Well, this isn’t on – this is not on at all.

Today’s brumours seem to be all outgoing and virtually nothing about anyone coming in to the greatest league in the world.

That cannot be right – Premier League clubs have a lot more money than sense when it comes to January dealings.

Admittedly, some of the alleged outgoings are completely laughable – I mean, look at this one: Napoli want the one decent signing Arsenal have made in the last few seasons and reckon they can take Kieran Tierney for a mere £40m. Fools. Mind you, this is Arsenal.

Leicester City’s exit door is likely to be packed as Islam Slimani loiters around it for the fifth window in a row and is joined by Hamza Choudhury and Demari Gray – those two boys would be perfect signings for someone like West Brom on loan, but who am I to tell Big Sham how to do his job?

Man United are looking to get Brandon Williams out on loan as well as it can’t be doing much for his confidence being considered worse than Luke Shaw and Alex Telles. Steve Bruce wouldn’t mind taking him to Newcastle.

Frank Lampard’s Chelsea will allow Fikayo Tomori to leave on loan – where still remains a mystery. Mind you, it’s not as if Chelsea are short of clubs to park players when needed.

I am starting to think that Antonio Conte has a personal challenge going on where he tries to win Serie A using only failed Premier League players – he fancies Jesse Lingard now and United are not going to say no to anyone looking to relieve them of that millstone.

Dele Alli continues to be linked to PSG on the presumption that playing well against an 8th tier club in the FA Cup hasn’t changed Jose’s opinion.

Ooooh, hang on a moment – we have some incoming chat after all. David Alaba is leaving Bayern, possibly even in January, so naturally he is being linked to Chelsea, Man City and Man United. I think even I could have made that one up.

And Dayot Upemecano of RB Leipzig, a young and talented central defender very much in the recent mould of Ole Gunnar Solskjaer signings, is being linked to, drum roll, Man United – again. Just do the deal so we can all get on with wondering where Christian Eriksen may end up next, please.